You look over, and think god damn is that a penis? Do you have a knack for the dark side? But please, most shirts fit me as a medium, so order me a medium.”, This play touches on human nature, family dynamics and the promise of a better life. Conspiracy theorists would be saying "I knew it the mayan calendar said something about a cock invasion in the end times". I'll start a god damn "dildo empire". I think Socrates was very right when he said that one of the first rules for anyone in life is ‘Know Thyself’. July 18, 2018, 2:39 am, Nerdy Kailey Hansen Whether you’re ready to own the audition room with a Shakespearean sonnet or embody a cranky, treasure-hunting pirate captain, we’ve got you covered. With two pitch balls stuck in her face for eyes. It was too big. I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden. Nerdy LOL In fact the whole day probably never even happened, because you see, this is a fairy tale…(angry) Dream stuff, boy, all made up outta broomsticks and wishing wells! You’re a very crabby person and you’re crabby to just about everyone you meet. Well, you got trouble my friend. Savannah Parker January 21, 2019, 10:03 am, by this man… this is a wonderful man. Do I look like a hobbit to you? …Lunchtime is among the worst times of the day for me. Chances are there weren’t even any woods. Monologue Length: 2 Minutes When he says “bow stubborn knees” try to kneel and see how it affects you. Honey, it was rats, or mice, just don't worry about it. There are other companies I can get in a large, like that coat you made fun of me in, that was the style, a little baggy…well, actually, yeah, you’re right about the coat. That is a god damn penis. Well, I guess I’ve said about enough. it had a dying fall: O, it came o’er my ear like the sweet sound, That breathes upon a bank of violets, Stealing and giving odour! Oh well, another lunch hour over with…only 2,863 to go.”. She has chased him, panting, from castle to castle, till he finally took refuge, for several weekends, in the gentleman’s lavatory of the House of Lords. September 6, 2018, 12:17 pm, by If it’s a choice between that and helping you colonize space? Speaking brings Hamlet into his presence. Jasmine Middleton May 11, 2018, 12:20 pm. I love, I sue, I seek a wife! 3. Some "off white" gothic looking freak. As much as we might not want to admit a painful truth to ourselves, once we speak something out loud we can no longer ignore it. A domineering pedant o’er the boy, [… … …] So, one day […] you say “I love you” and you basically phrase it as a question, but they accept it as fact and then suddenly there she is standing in front of you in a three thousand dollar dress with tears in her eyes, and her nephew made the huppah, so what do you do? Is he the one I’ve waited for? Own the audition room with some Tennessee Williams as you portray Amanda Wingfield, one of the most well-known roles in ‘The Glass Menagerie.’ Though chock full of drama, there are bits of comedic relief throughout the award-winning play. Jasmine Middleton Still a-repairing, ever out of frame, I mean, whom has he really hurt? 2. 2.5m Comedy Monologues - The King Of What? On the other hand…it’s very hard to breathe in here. This monologue happens after Claudius leaves the play, brought into consciousness by watching his own crime committed on stage. Shakespearean dialogue has long been a popular monologue choice – and with good reason! Some psychiatrists say that people who eat peanut butter sandwiches are lonely…I guess they’re right. Then, the "King of Pop" transforms from a young black superstar to a frail, white, alien looking mother fucker. 2.5m Comedy Monologues - The King Of What? Savannah Parker LOL Than whom no mortal so magnificent. “If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die. Egeus, “Midsummer Night’s Dream”: Act I, Scene I“Full of vexation come I, with complaint”. If you refuse this offer you will be a most ungrateful wicked girl, and the angels will weep for you. Just have cocks crawling all over the fucking place. She told me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the Prince’s jester, that I was duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me that I stood like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at me. Well Jill, he likes you. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. Think of this, your just sitting their in your seat. She is sailing tomorrow on the Normandie, but would return on the Yankee Clipper if Bottomley so much as belches in her direction.” Have you ever met Lord Bottomley, Maggie dear? And what of the dear ladies? Take on the role of Leo Bloom, a nerve-wracked accountant who partners up with the bold and scheming Max Bialystock. Now go say goodbye to the little people and thank them for the picnic!…You’re confused aren’t ya boy? Can he be forgiven for his crime? Top 10 Scripts. Practically no one is betting on the Derby this year; we are all making book on Lorraine. And, among three, to love the worst of all; I will be the creator of the greatest and real as it could possibly be dildo. Not s’much. Crawling like an inch worm, ya know. Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table. Sharon can also change a black man into a white.”. I just want to know where was he trying to go with that fucking nose. Top Writers. Max Bialystock, who made them feel young, and attractive, and wanted again. Why shouldn’t she look at me? Tip: The stage directions are in there. 179.7k Views. Of course, sometimes, mornings aren’t so pleasant either. 4 Job Interview Comedy Skits. Ware? 7 What? Nerdy I mean, I know it’s not a big legal point, but even in kindergarten they used to call me Bloom. I don't know what the answer is. Tip: Don’t give in to the temptation to slow down the text. I wonder what she would do if I went over and asked her if I could sit and have lunch with her?…She’d probably laugh right in my face…it’s hard on a face when it gets laughed in. When he says something he means it. This signor-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid, “Well either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community. (Pause). Comedy Monologues   (28513 Views 2 Comments). What if it turns out I really am the next Moses?